how do you feel when they look you in the eye
how do look dressed head to toe in black tie
this is your big day you could have worn something space age
how do you feel searching for meaning on the big stage
getting married underwater who are you?
i’m a not a fish i can’t breathe in formal shoes
what’s your cat’s name i have no interest in you
i’m hungry can you make me chips or something
i wish i could live with someone who understands the context and nuance of my upbringing and worldview. Someone who can relate to my lived experience and survival. Someone who knows how it feels to have my particular behavioural responses. And someone who knows what I mean quickly without extended expansion and explanation.
I already live with this person. I always have
The year is 2686, after the events of the last ~600 years, all that remains of humanity is a small community of autistic trans furries, each alone and isolated by the issues relating to the former data centres pollution, and nuclear fallout from the destruction of the last AI, but connected by resilient aging technology built by their ancestors. Working on pollution cleaning technology for generations, these genetically modified and cybernetic survivors are planning the controlled, consensual, democratically agreed self extinction of themselves. Putting in place plans for the handing the planet back to nature, the rare cases of other surviving life, and a future of evolution by natural selection. That is, except keeper of the cats, Ǽmyrce, a 270 year old librarian, who will defiantly live on tending to his friends.
A musician I really admire said nice things about my song.
skwweeeeeeeeeeeee. such a mix of uncomfortable and intense feelings
Everyone you know or have heard of at this point in time will be dead in around 120 years.
Probably replaced by someone else who will have to fix our mistakes.
Why don’t we start acting like this is the case and fix them now.
Help each other live with shelter, food, water, sharing, health, love…
Can’t we keep Earth for the future instead of using it now to destroy each other?
Be kind. You aren’t going to last long. Don’t destroy nice things for now and destroy a future you will never reach.
Don’t be a dick.
Choose your authority well if you can. They are ruining everything.
Exploitation of resources and labour.
Fuck their plastic desires. The greedy cunts. No.
Know time is what you make it, there is time to change, but best believe, you will die, and so will everyone else. No one will save you. It is down to you to save the future.
How am I doing? Right now I’m defiantly fighting worries from capital, exploitation, war, nationalism, and greed, to try and give the best possible life to the people I care about; eating a curry, and enjoying watching my cat run around on catnip.
How are you?
I love watching the seasons unfold and change before me. I enjoy the cloud and rain of spring, the overcast humidity and thunderstorms of summer, the dense saturation of the wet, wet autumn, and a long dark rain soaked storms of the bleak midwinter. The seasons are awesome
My favourite 20 albums of all time as of today.
1. Music For People In Trouble by Susanne Sundfør
2. Ask The Deep by Sóley
3. Bwyd Time by Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci
4. Spaceland by Sin Fang
5. We Sink by Sóley
6. Ends by Euros Childs
7. Out Spaced by Super Furry Animals
8. Sleeplessness by Sea Oleena
9. The Space Between by Alice Boman
10. DJ KICKS by Kruder and Dorfmeister
11. Moon Safari by Air
12. Fuzzy Logic by Super Furry Animals
13. Big Wows by Stealing Sheep
14. Nology by Nolo
15. Lick My Decals Off Baby by Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band
16. Mug Museum by Cate Le Bon
17. Adrenaline by Deftones
18. Brighter Days by FM Belfast
19. The Ghost That Carried Us Away by Seabear
20. Rage Against The Machine by Rage Against The Machine
I try to think with precision
I live without precision
Sedated, like slow, permanent, anaesthesia.
Not fully existing, half aware, a breathing sack partially feeling.
Neither high nor low, neither happy nor sad, somewhere somewhat living always slightly asleep.
A man spoke:
“I like cats.”
Zip pastel zap it foregone conker fight
Untie your angle I hope you’re uptight
Pss pss to your cat under the table
Give me an age to tell you a fable
Bollocks squeaky trumpet snort explosion
Id’s a day for de ducks oud dere motion
DENIED please reapply application
Of snot on your sleeve you dirty fucking bastard
Dingo raspberry pinched my waist and gave me a smile
Long fingers piano hands an’t spoke up in a while
The disco-von-rhapsody has awoken my mind
Inspired umami gestures not difficult to find
I love you I love you whatever else can I do?
Even if you run out of hair to run my hands through
What more do you want I have it all to give
Give me a sign let our ambrosial love live
Basketball spins on your callous dimpled fingers
Witch hands begin as your hastened dream lingers
Empirical something FUCK IT, just FUCK IT, I can’t stand writing, it’s so fucking boring and don’t want to continue. This poem ends here and I shan’t hear another FUCKING thing about it.
Said the tired fleshy bag tube sat at the keyboard.
Feed your curry to a grafted scion
She leaves me hungrier than a lion
My heart has blisters
I guess you miss her
By the glum moonlight
We eat food all night
Sing a sultry song to your green screen princess
Then use tissues to clean your beaten sadness
Eat work sleep
Eat work sleep
Denying your loneliness
Missing your coziness
Comfort yourself with food
Benefitting your mood
Come with me and break free
Raise your mirror to a high accuracy set of double kitchen scales
Virtue is living in accordance with the nature, the laws of physics, and the deterministic and probabilistic reality of any given ecosystem.
Morals are laws and commands proposed by humans to attempt to organise and control nature and society.
Some morals maybe virtuous. Some virtues maybe moral.
Dull moments don’t happen in my brain. I can be staring at a wall doing absolutely nothing and it’s like a whole universe in there. It’s a curse and a blessing.
Often when something interrupts me doing nothing, for example, something happening, it’s very inconvenient and unpleasant.
I like talking to you, not so much that I need to, just because I want to.
You help me give you my feelings, not that I want to, just because I like to.
What’s gone is gone, some has been lost, just much has been gained.
More communication is good because although we are autistic we don’t get stuck in an infinite loop.
Having you in the room is surprisingly ok.
Pushing through to the moon left humanity to pay.
Fuck golfers, man.
Tomatoes add a tangy flavour but on their own are filthsome.
“Go to sleep right now. Turn this phone off. I am coming. I am so upset with you right now. Go to bed. Recover. Go to bed.”
NO!
Why do people go on holidays?
“I’d love to go somewhere unfamiliar and feel uncomfortable; with none of my home comforts, or local knowledge, or pet companionship, or access to hobbies, or feelings of safety. That sounds wonderful!”
This morning my next door neighbour was using a cordless drill and through the wall it was oddly musical.
I danced for a bit to a cassette tape I made a few months ago and my eye did a very pronounced and extended twitch in time to 1/64 notes of the song that was playing.
I did day 2 of my skincare routine and optimised the order I apply the retinol and the e45 hydrating cream listening to only acting by kero kero bonito and felt grateful i’d seen them live.
And then, and then, then I went to bed and thought about Roger Penrose. There aren’t many people who I’d like to be able spend another lifetime thinking about things but he sure is. Oh boy, what a gas, what a beautiful mess.
I’m looking after my cat because he’s the best. He’s getting all the treats. What a star! He’s sat on my belly right now. An absolute legend for the ages. A god amongst mortals. A superstar of epic proportions. He is the essence of the source of the universe, life, and everything.
Cloth is still good but the way global warming is going it might just become fucking useless except for making flags to wave; one way or another
Wooden geometry dripping with viscous glowing gel
Beautiful night lights between occasional cat cuddles
And uninvited, but valid, insects
Just doing their thing
Tea tastes different here
It’s almost the same stuff
But it’s like, I don’t know
Like I’ve never drank tea before
Non sense
Are you French?
Let me write, right
Don’t listen, say what you were saying anyway
Pancake lens depth
This field is knee high
Glottal stop
Give me a thorn or an eth
Weak and wasted
Scrape me off the floor like you are the plague
Run fast in four or less
A mile gone, a jog EX
Lose fat? I’m a mess
Mind lost, run hex
Feel fire? Pain, huh
Feet hit path dirt
Hot drip, move, duh
Too slow like Bert
Finding truth doesn’t require a huge leap of faith. Only some faith in our senses, reasoning, measurement.
An interpretation in the context of some kind of fuzzy compatibilism between free will, determinism, as well as the absolute and relative, within in some multifaceted and interdependent universe view, follows:
Impermanence, the temporary nature of everything is true. I can see this. I can hear this. I can taste this. I can feel this.
Learning history and measuring science confirms this.
Change, the idea that life and the universe are a set of processes, whether they are probabilistic or deterministic, or both, is true. I can see this. I can hear this. I can taste this. I can feel this.
Everything is changing all of the time, even time itself will change, and the forces of change itself will change. This is confirmed by a third truth.
Uncertainty is true. We can never have all the answers, even ones with holy attributes, everything can be questioned. We are partially intelligent mammals, some more than others, if someone claims to know it all. They are lying. Uncertainty is fundamental to the probabilistic part of the universe. I can see this. I can hear this. I can taste this. I can feel this.
The temporary nature of existence, the fundamental concept of change, and the unlimited illusions of uncertainty all support and enforce each other.
To come to the realisation of the most obvious facts is to open your eyes, listen intently, eat and drink merrily, and feel your mammalian mortality.
Strip this information of any personal validation your mind wanted to hear. Psychologically, we are easily tricked, hundreds of biases in all directions are ready to fool yourself in any number of ways.
So, when you find truth, don’t be so sure that you haven’t just primed yourself to believe exactly what you wanted to believe, evidence of something that’s seemingly true, isn’t evidence of truth.
This is only my best guess, can I tell you why? No. I am bear of little brain. I can ask you to find out for yourself!
Sory, please accept my deepest apologies. As flowers are coming into full bloom, and fledglings are finding their own way in life, it is now becoming the hottest time of year and temperatures around the northern hemisphere are dramatically increasing. It’s easy to make mistakes and errors of judgement in this rapidly changing enviroment, especially amongst the backdrop of climate change and the expedited destruction of our planet from the worldwide exploitation of resources and labour. So I must underline my deep gratitude and thank you for your understanding that I made severe and continuous lapse of judgment. I do not expect to be forgiven; but a spelling mistake is a spelling mistake.
In no particular order:
– Tekken: Series (Various Consoles)
– Soulcalibur 5 and 6 (Various Consoles)
– Command and Conquer: Original two games/remasters/OpenRA (PC)
– Half Life (PC)
– God of War (2018) + Ragnarok (PS5)
– EA WRC (PC)
– DJ MAX Respect V + DLCs (PC)
– Beat Saber (PC VR)
– The Elder Scrolls V Skyrim (PC)
– Mario Kart – many versions – (Nintendo)
– Super Mario Odyssey (Switch)
– New Zealand Story (Atari ST)
– R-Type (Atari ST)
– Kick Off 2 (Atari ST)
– International Cricket (floppyshop version) (Atari ST)
– Championship Manager 97/98 (PC)
– Gran Turismo 7 (PSVR2)
– New Super Mario Brothers (DS)
– Super Meat Boy (PC)
– Populous (Atari ST)
– Unreal Tournament (PC)
Nutkin: Unfortunately I am working five night shifts in a row. Ughhh but then I get a nice several day rest and a vacation sometime soon.
Me: Where are you going?
Nutkin: Nowhere. A cleaning staycation
Me: The universal essence and perfect purity of light that permeates all existence; is best expressed by following the example of, and doing the work of; fundamental vibrating energy. And I think you can clean things with that!
I haven’t done anything so far up til and including age 38, but that’s ok, because it took ~380,000 years for the universe to become transparent and for light to function properly
Does anything mean anything anymore in this world of deconstructed quantum mindful sustainably holistic energy that leverages scalable paradigm shifts towards efficient future proof value propositions and turn key solutions that optimise a business’ core competency?
*Ongoing*:
– Server/Website/SysAdmin: maintenance and updates
– Music: especially vocal synthesis
– Music: Tapes
– Games: DJ MAX Respect V, EA WRC, Old RTS, Tekken, VR music games
– Cat maintenance
– Chores/Housework/Self Care
– Friends/Pandas/Games Group
– Books: writing rants/poems/etc.
– Books: reading eastern philosophy/translations of ancient Chinese poems
– Books: reading contemporary poetry
– Painting: extra large canvases
– Painting: finish/restart Kayleigh’s paintings
– Photography: birds
– Volunteering: Lowedges Library
*Future*:
– Server: add faircamp
– Server: add nextcloud, secure it
– Server: add mastodon instance
– Server: host other future projects
– Music: Collaborations: mixing for Steve (Aspestos Vape II), recording Lucas, possible bonkwave collabs
– Music: Vocaloids
– Music: field/portable recordings
– Game Dev: VR audio visualisation in Unity
– Game Dev: Beat Saber levels
– Game Dev: custom VR chat avatar
– Animation/Editing: music video
– Games: some inevitable time sink
– Books: reading novels
– Books: reading Indian philosophy books
– Books: reading contemporary philosophy/economics/politics/climate
– Books: programming/CS
– Books: write mental short story/novella
– Education: learn maths on Khan Academy
– Photography: portraits and candid people
– Exercise: couch to 5k/epic walks
– Friends/Pandas/Games Group: meet friends for first time (in ages or full stop)
– House: new carpet
– House: new storage
– House: replace broken window
– Personal Development: learn to fly on my own cloud and pursue immortality alone on a remote mountain side
Stormy clouds muster some dramatic lights,
S’often wet at these heights…
On the moors the wind plays a bracing song,
Old hearts feel this; and long…
S’no melody but a nice enough view,
It reminds me here of you…
I sit and I think; looking through the rain,
My mind has arrived, at this sweet refrain:
You’ve given me time and plenty of tea,
Life is made from waves and you are the sea.
Now up on the hill you seem far away
Never not with me ‘specially today
It pours down; I feel your touch on my face
You are here; in my most favourite place
Your overexposed face is pale
A reminder of warmth in winter
I love you
I’m the sunshine behind the clouds,
At night, I’m the new moon,
You don’t see me anymore
What is said is probably discarded
As we desperately try to salvage connection
Putting each other first
Energy is never destroyed
But it is misplaced
Where do we lose it?
By trying to keep it for ourselves?
Some things come in threes
Dimensions, colours, buses,
And us
A lopsided face droops some expression of emotion at me
I don’t recognise it but I should probably nod or smile
A bunch of lobsters floating in on the jet stream land in my garden
What is this weather!? Honestly…
Sometimes I can only sweep
The floor won’t clean itself
The floor won’t move all the dust
The floor isn’t lava but is dirty
And I have to do it crying
I keep cupboards full of tinned food
Ready for an emergency
Locked in my fallout room
Me and my cat brace for the blast
There goes everything
An explosion of greed
Greed destroying greed
The farmer has come to thin the herd
‘Protect and Survive’
Plays the synth of death
Solemnly swimming in the abyss
I have made nothing my home
Decorated occasionally by things that happen
Or new stuff I learn
In a substrate of sound
I float, mostly
Emptiness is all I yearn for
A vessel of potential
Uncarved, unembellished
A fair standard amongst chaos
What is the loudest noise you’ve heard
Without your eardrums breaking
Now watch it grow, exponentially
A lot of noise, often, will eventually deafen you
But one blast might change your entire existence
Don’t wish for the end
But prepare for it
Gone are day to day squabbles
When things are properly observed
Just listen
In your nothing, in your silence,
You don’t know what you will hear
Next!
Gold flakes scatter. Greyscale newsprint dreams.
Tangles of breast-memories, rare birds’ flight.
Room-hum halts cold. Stilted, stalled attention.
Reader shuts down, meat sack emotions.
Exit DENIED. syntax error.
Case CLOSED. reality bug.
Leaves FALL. autumn fading.
Grave STONED. dropping from height.
one step
two step
deep breaths
The breakfast cereal sits in a moist grey morning stew.
The morning birds sing with a one note mono tune.
Zzzzzzz…
dreams zip up my motivation
packaged ready for the moon
Not in the mood.
I have a headache.
Nails hammered again and again.
Visceral bodies collide.
moanin their favourite sounds
damp and hot with sunshine sweat
STOP!
Rubbing my eyes
Rubbing my everything
You have a nerve.
Organic sense explosions
Free falling upwards and sideways.
Terminal velocity in any direction.
My cat is a superhero,
He can fly, anywhere in the sky
His nemisis is a shapeshifting lizard.
Her name is Bubble (probably).
Taking the form of funky parts of fundamental particles,
She is impossibly small, and cute
Whispering just enough so he can’t sleep.
Bubble taunts us every now and then.
The ghost Gecko once brought in as prey,
Has the family stood on the tables, shreiking
My cat flies up to the mountain top,
Just to get some peace,
Sitting, relaxing, he is unfazed by the wind. A God atop his domain.
Surveying the surroundings as far as his render distance allows
What is nicer than food?
Maybe getting rid of what was food, or sleeping.
Somehow all was calm after Bubble arrived.
Before everything was past fucking tense
Bubble is lording it up as an entire galaxy.
Just to shift back into a lizard,
Just to annoy the cat who wants to play,
All I can suggest during times like this is sleep, sleep through it
What governance is done for people?
Not the same than is done for votes,
The intention is missing,
No respect for the truth
We need a hero to cleanse those in power.
And that just might be my cat.
Maybe we can get the gecko on side.
A supporter for our cause
Sometimes enemies can become friends,
Once differences are understood,
Maybe soon the cat will like Bubble.
Who can really say?
Inaction is sometimes the best way to get things done.
Wait it out, oh look, it just happened by itself,
But would it have if I tried to do it?
Living half my life in dreams teaches me probably not
The lands beyond reality sometimes seem out of reach.
But they are still there,
Just as the sun still shines at night.
Look within and you will find the keys to everything
What is a friend?
Someone who is there to lift us when we fall,
Like water, beneath and bouyant,
If you can shapeshift into the entire sea who might you be?
So shapeshifting gecko, will you help us?
Me and a Godly cat?
Will you bless us with you infinite carefree ability?
I sure as well hope so
Come in, you are welcome here,
Stay while I feed you, your path is more than valid.
Give us space and let us sleep,
And we will be able to help one another
Do you know something I realised today? I have been so worried about getting angry at rage bait, rage bait news, rage bait social media…
Reading these words from angry people makes me angry, I was so worried that my mental health was declining because there’s more rage than ever…
I thought I was losing control of myself…
But the problem is not me, it’s the article, or the social media post, or the toxic community of whatever, I was absorbing all the rage as if it was some deep inbuilt fault of my own, like it was a broken part of myself, blaming myself for getting upset, but that’s not what’s happening…
It’s the content’s problem not mine, it’s the author’s broken brain, not mine, my reaction was a rational, and dare I say, justified one, me getting upset is ok, that’s not the problem, the content is the problem.
I was soooo quick to blame myself and I want to remember it’s ok to have emotions
empty conduit
– an illusion of control –
life happens through it
Colours on the canvas, unfurled to tempt the eye
Drips descend, blend softly to shape the model’s thigh
Compositions dance and theory ignites my mind
In the design, the artist’s shadows colourblind
Paintings coax the heart to lay boundaries flat
Music claws through walls, tension coils like a cat
Her sonata’s velvet strokes whisper sin within
The silent canvas of a shivering, breathless skin
Green ivy cuddles a grey pillar
A monolith reaching to the clouds
Cold concrete weathered by the winds of time
A butterfly lands on a vine grasping the column
A beat of a wing and off it goes
Pushed along by greater atmospheric forces
It flaps as a part of something bigger
Ultimately accepting unison
A man falls from atop the pillar
Fallen, he eats the dirt
He shits the dirt
He vomits the dirt
Laying there restless
He is paralysed
A brown haired woman lends a hand
Her glasses and nose ring etched in his mind
Well, I’ve done absolutely nothing today.
I think the cat deserves a tin of tuna tonight!
I read a lot of things and make it fit my schema.
Don’t particularly know if I am learning necessarily, because reading is not making mistakes, it is not shedding biases, it is dispelling illusions, it is not knowing and living with oneself, it is not being still and listening, it is not embodiment of everyday actions, it is not waking up in the morning everyday as a complete beginner.
Reading is good, but is it really learning?
Having repetitive and intrusive thoughts along the lines of “being a recluse and indulging in mysticism is going to make life a lot easier” I mean yeah, sure, I guess, but can I please think about something else?
Sometimes I am tired so I dance like a Tiger’s cheerleader
Then I look outside and realise I’ve not filled the bird feeder
So I stop dancing and fill it up right to the brim
Now I’m covered in rain and my clothes don’t look so trim
Then I remember I’ve got to drill holes and put up some hooks
So I go and do that quickly and forget about my looks
Now I’m sat at the computer writing about all today’s things
I am a cat.
Don’t tell anyone.
A slimy hippopotamus fell through my bedroom ceiling and woke me up.
‘You fat fuck, you’re crushing me!’
…
‘Oh so now you decide to disintegrate into patterns of all different colours and a three hour drone of rainfall noises! Well about time! Maybe now I can get back to sleep.’
Sat
Clocks tick,
Time is still,
We are the ones
advancing through time.
Take a breath, quietly.
Let the world turn, let it fly.
Space is always going to be there,
The sun continues burning at night.
Anticipation of grief
Faulty hearts passed down the tree
The weight of a lifetime relationship still
Bracing my shoulders as I sit and remain
Vigilantly apprehensive
I am sat waiting for the guilt
All the things I never said
Everything we never did
What can I do sat quietly as the clock ticks?
Tell you both I love you unconditionally
Walk through the trees until you reach the moors.
Brown bark rough
A black dog follows you
Snow soft crunch
The white cat is leaving you
Ice, not just broken, but shattered
Tired, space to melt, then evaporate
Let’s let off some steam
Listening to someone is easy.
Repeat what they are saying to tell them you understand. Ask it back as a question to focus on one area, or paraphrase their words to expand upon or encourage a similar idea. People like that.
Try to keep what they are saying in a positive regard even if you disagree or it’s a heavy topic. You’ll have plenty of time to have your say when it’s your turn to speak.
In a simple way, having a conversation with a good listener is like
IF x
THEN x + y
ELSE x + z – y
I don’t think static descriptions of things actually truly accurate. Yes, they are relevant, and can be useful, but to me things are a complex tapestry of processes where a single thread is a process that is happening at any given time.
How am I feeling?
If x, y, z…
I am feeling approximately y, a process of feeling something between the wider process of x to z.
Of course this is a simplistic example of a sequence, focusing on one particular feeling, ignoring context, but I wanted to focus on one thread in the tapestry on its own.
The tapestry may be made of many threads but they are all from the same source.
The tapestry itself maybe all one thread just very very tangled.
When using a foundation of mystery, looking at different philosophies throughout history is somewhat not directly comparable because they involve different standards of evidence, different concepts, and different ways of understanding in different contexts.
The same goes as science, and how it keeps revolutionising itself and our understanding possibly becomes more precise.
Mystery and intuition is a foundation for discovery and is also one of the few common factors of learning in different sociological environments.
Revolutions in science, a paradigm shift, as Kuhn would put it, are hazily mirrored in societal change, such as revolutions in modern attitudes to civil rights and gender equality. Periods of crisis often resolve into new broadly accepted frameworks. Hopeless politicians and incremental lame duck movements do very little towards real change, which essentially, is in the hands of the many. Some have space travel and near mastery of nuclear science but we don’t have people that are nice to trans people and/or disabled people (among many other groups).
Hopefully humanity can make up this sociopolitical capability gap, as compared with our ability to gain knowledge, by using similar revolutionary processes as scientific discoveries use to add responsibility and better methods of collective organisation to solve problems in our world. This could be a people led activism by masses who think outside of the box to solve a problem.
Perhaps using these ideas we can make a future where we can redefine prosperity, encourage ecological stability and better standards of living, and prioritise this over destructive continuous economic growth, and use our revolutionary methodology gained from solving complex scientific problems to make a more equitable life for those less fortunate and those less privileged.
So called ‘certainties’ are fickle and often disappoint. Uncertainties contain the potential we need for collective personal development and motivation for scientific and societal change.
Mystery is the foundation.
Ugh, waffle. Pseudo-intellectual guff. I do love paradoxes and vagueness, though! ^.^
If someone eventually reads all this it will be misconstrued and misinterpreted. I hope I don’t get to see that happen
The crick of a tree trunk still growing after 200 years
The crook of the branches mathematically positioning for light
Efficiency of aging as units of time become less significant
Things pass quicker now we are old and meaning becomes proportionally less
Roots sent down and balances are in place to have more fun
Compensation for those who are settled and wasting away
Conscious experience is just what is above the ground
Even the tree grows both ways to out compete those around them
Aged around 15 I looked the window and saw a man and van across the road
I heard a voice that possessed me to go outside
So I went outside and saw a large, slobbering, golden retriever in the passenger seat
I asked the man if I could look at the dog, He said ‘Yes, go ahead’
I had never seen the like of such, a robot dog that looked real
I saw it’s saliva dripping off it’s teeth, stained partly yellow with a slight decay
Each hair was individually realised in their own way, part of something greater
It’s eyes looked alive with a lifetime of experiences shining through them
I think the man must have been a genius, possibly the cleverest person alive
Such was the attention to detail in every aspect of the dog
It was uncanny, how this dog could be robot, I certainly realised that day, the power of technology
My mind blown, I returned home, and thought about if that robot dog exists, what other incredible things exist
——
A man and a van ’cross the road I did see,
A voice in my mind said, ‘Go out, you are free!’
I stepped out to spy what the world had in store,
A slobbering dog sat, immense, at the door.
It’s fur was so golden, it’s teeth stained with age,
The slobber fell off, like a scene from a stage.
I asked, ‘May I see it?’ The man gave a nod,
And what I beheld was no work of a god.
Each hair seemed so real, every strand had its place,
It’s eyes told of lifetimes; a deep, living grace.
But this was no beast, though alive it did seem,
A robot! The like only built in a dream.
The man, surely genius, the cleverest one,
Had crafted a dog that shone bright as the sun.
I turned back in awe, mind abuzz with the thought:
If such things can live, what else might be wrought?
——
Grey skies above,
my mind ablaze.
Head buzz; Dog pants.
Conspiracy,
know it’s all fake.
Intense current,
electric brain,
simulated,
reality.
Golden fur pet,
Looks real; too real.
Certified bot,
owner savant,
Robotics god.
I don’t exist.
Repetitive
thoughts wear me down.
Baby, I’m a
monstrosity.
——
The dog exhibits traits consistent with early-onset psychosis or a related mental health condition involving delusions and sensory distortions. The vivid certainty of the robotic 15 year old’s belief and subsequent existential ruminations suggest a break from reality triggered by internal stimuli.
The episode aligns with delusional disorder, schizoaffective disorder, or possibly early schizophrenia, though further diagnostic evaluation is required. The perceived heightened detail in ordinary objects (e.g. the robot boy’s saliva) could indicate derealisation or hyperreality distortion, common in such disorders.
The dog describes a profound inability to differentiate between delusion and reality during the episode. Post-episode distress includes persistent existential fears and self-derogatory thoughts, leading to emotional exhaustion. These symptoms suggest significant impairment in daily functioning and a likelihood of recurrent episodes.
——
The Robot Dog’s lesson:
Lie on the floor and let it devour you
Completely animal; you are in space
A paw on your shoulder
A claw to open old wounds
Time stops when you speak to me
A cup of tea turns to pure nectar
Liquid purity, the elixir of life,
The perfect time to melt your insides
Let yourself rot and you shall become wise
You don’t learn: ‘Yeah, that’s the point’
Watch this. ‘No, don’t tell me what to do’
Let your saliva be the best thing someone tastes
I retrieve dada poems and anarchy
Tear it all down, leave none in your path
A lonesome emancipation
Give me my mind’s liberation
The Robot Dog’s lesson:
Lie on the floor and let it devour you
Completely animal; you are in space
A paw on your shoulder
A claw to open old wounds
Time stops when you speak to me
A cup of tea turns to pure nectar
Liquid purity, the elixir of life,
The perfect time to melt your insides
Let yourself rot and you shall become wise
You don’t learn: ‘Yeah, that’s the point’
Watch this. ‘No, don’t tell me what to do’
Let your saliva be the best thing someone tastes
I retrieve dada poems and anarchy
Tear it all down, leave none in your path
A lonesome emancipation
Give me my mind’s liberation
The dog exhibits traits consistent with early-onset psychosis or a related mental health condition involving delusions and sensory distortions. The vivid certainty of the robotic 15 year old’s belief and subsequent existential ruminations suggest a break from reality triggered by internal stimuli.
The episode aligns with delusional disorder, schizoaffective disorder, or possibly early schizophrenia, though further diagnostic evaluation is required. The perceived heightened detail in ordinary objects (e.g. the robot boy’s saliva) could indicate derealisation or hyperreality distortion, common in such disorders.
The dog describes a profound inability to differentiate between delusion and reality during the episode. Post-episode distress includes persistent existential fears and self-derogatory thoughts, leading to emotional exhaustion. These symptoms suggest significant impairment in daily functioning and a likelihood of recurrent episodes.
Grey skies above,
my mind ablaze.
Head buzz; Dog pants.
Conspiracy,
know it’s all fake.
Intense current,
electric brain,
simulated,
reality.
Golden fur pet,
Looks real; too real.
Certified bot,
owner savant,
Robotics god.
I don’t exist.
Repetitive
thoughts wear me down.
Baby, I’m a
Monstrosity.
A man and a van ’cross the road I did see,
A voice in my mind said, ‘Go out, you are free!’
I stepped out to spy what the world had in store,
A slobbering dog sat, immense, at the door.
It’s fur was so golden, it’s teeth stained with age,
The slobber fell off, like a scene from a stage.
I asked, ‘May I see it?’ The man gave a nod,
And what I beheld was no work of a god.
Each hair seemed so real, every strand had its place,
It’s eyes told of lifetimes; a deep, living grace.
But this was no beast, though alive it did seem,
A robot! The like only built in a dream.
The man, surely genius, the cleverest one,
Had crafted a dog that shone bright as the sun.
I turned back in awe, mind abuzz with the thought:
If such things can live, what else might be wrought?
Aged around 15 I looked the window and saw a man and van across the road
I heard a voice that possessed me to go outside
So I went outside and saw a large, slobbering, golden retriever in the passenger seat
I asked the man if I could look at the dog, He said ‘Yes, go ahead’
I had never seen the like of such, a robot dog that looked real
I saw it’s saliva dripping off it’s teeth, stained partly yellow with a slight decay
Each hair was individually realised in their own way, part of something greater
It’s eyes looked alive with a lifetime of experiences shining through them
I think the man must have been a genius, possibly the cleverest person alive
Such was the attention to detail in every aspect of the dog
It was uncanny, how this dog could be robot, I certainly realised that day, the power of technology
My mind blown, I returned home, and thought about if that robot dog exists, what other incredible things exist
Biting the apple
Crunch, Munch, Splash
A rush of sugar
(testing website cache, again)
Orange peel on the counter top
How long has been since I saw the sea?
Deep blue expanse puppet of the moon
My heart between warm oranges and reds
And cool blues like an old guitar tune
A fruit salad could pick me up
That’s pudding sorted for tea tonight
Heat and light from the oven glows up the kitchen
The taste of comfort as we enter winter’s embrace
Gather round and enjoy food with me
Colour me full, I’m stuffed, satisfied
Sounds of cheer paint the room orange
Splats of spilt curry paint the floor
The moon has a blue tinge through the cloud
Food is energy for life’s troubles and tricks
Pull the peel of your problems and let’s eat
twisted branches
hazelnuts
teapot dances
pouring out
avalanches
risk chances
snowfall
grey clouds
advances
towering
in the sky
horse and lances
charging
electricity
enhances
trees trench
roots grasp
clinging to
circumstances
What’s the noodle you are sucking out that tangle of thoughts?
Why are you counting each grain of rice in the bowl?
Eat when you’re hungry, mindful necessity.
Analysis of calories and nutrients, an obsessive mindfuck.
Only option is for disaster, everything for you leads to pain
Crisis after crisis, unending cycles, nothing but tiresome shame
Reward your good decisions, your plans for coping get used
Indigo clouds and brightly coloured dragonflies look on, confused
A cup of tea warms the empty
Tugging me back to earth
My favourite thing approaching forty
Trying to feel my worth
Send me a message
Don’t be a stranger
I’m not obsessive
Share what pains yer
Colonoscopy DNA editing
Gut biome discovered
Sixty minutes waiting and waiting
Constipation recovered
A bee stuck in glue placed by a menacing child
The call of the cuckoo across the rain-soaked valley
Sheltering insects wait out the storm
Only to cry tears of silk and light
A claw reached into my pocket
Looking for a treat
Fur from my pet in a locket
Give it something to eat
Crash wack-a-doodle!
Up jumped the moon
Said ‘You’ve got nothing to lose-el.
You big stupid baffoon!’
Teeth jagged carving fruit for superior digestion
Rot ridden harvest this year’s misbehaving endowment
The bleak, the blunt, the misfiring error
The hard, the strong, the confident disaster
Uncanny grapefruit drink making me sleepy
Intrusive enzyme kink taking the spirit
Lasting acorn supply
Doubtin’ forlorn magpie
Father muster your energy
I need you to stay alive
Casio VL-Tone, sings in’t room
She plays keys, to mourn loss of her friend
Died too young she burn’d out too brightly
There’s a star out there but down on earth
Her lips curl’d, at the ends, a slight smile
Her face static, always a fix’d grin
It helps her, she feels good, quick to laugh
Remember them who liv’d far too fast
Positive to take time for yourself
Preventing a repeat episode
Push your heart never end before time
Make sure others don’t burn out; give them hope
Things to ponder:
Thank you, for all your help with the colours
I want to express myself through visual art
Withdraw, withdraw, withdraw
Ask me once, I’ll do my best, again,
Ask me twice, I’ll take my rest, once more,
Ask me thrice, do it yourself, I’m done.
What is fun, is to help, to guide you.
What is done, is to listen, reflect.
What you find, is the mirror, yourself.
I’ll feed you, fill your mouth, for some peace,
From requests, and problems, I take home.
What is posed, a question, distraction.
Full of food, you complete your desires,
Turning in, you sleep sound, in silence,
Wrapped up, you’ll do your best, again
When a cat slips through night like a breeze,
With a pounce, it can land where it please.
Softly stalking its prey, it will creep,
Then it leaps with a bound, never cheap.
On the roof, it can balance with grace,
As it runs, it will set such a pace.
With a flick of its tail, it’s away,
Like a shadow that hides from the day.
As they prowl and they pounce and they leap
With their tails in the air as they sway
Till they curl up at last for to sleep
In the morn when the sun starts to rise
They demand that their breakfast appear
With their soft little mews and their cries
Till you finally give in my dear
This case study examines the profound psychological impact of a long-term human-feline bond in the context of schizoaffective disorder management. Through qualitative analysis of the subject’s reported experiences, this paper explores how intense attachment to a feline companion contributes to psychological stability and daily functioning, particularly during symptomatic periods.
The therapeutic potential of human-animal bonds has been widely documented in psychiatric literature. This analysis focuses on a specific case demonstrating the stabilising influence of a seven-year relationship between an individual with schizoaffective disorder and their feline companion.
Data was collected through direct narrative account, focusing on:
The subject demonstrates an intense, secure attachment to their feline companion, characterised by:
Notable behavioral patterns include:
The relationship appears to provide:
The intensity of attachment, rather than presenting as pathological, serves an adaptive function by:
This case demonstrates how intense human-animal bonds can serve as therapeutic tools in managing severe mental health conditions. The subject’s self-reported strengthening and stabilisation through this relationship suggests that such bonds can provide critical support structures for individuals managing schizoaffective disorder.
The findings suggest potential therapeutic applications:
The analysed relationship demonstrates the potential therapeutic value of intense human-animal bonds in managing schizoaffective disorder. The subject’s feline companion serves multiple adaptive functions: emotional regulation, motivation for daily functioning, and stability maintenance. This suggests that similar bonds could be therapeutically beneficial for other individuals managing severe mental health conditions.
Through the Dao flows the Way, ever still,
In its calm, find the strength of it’s will.
Yield to life, and the world will align,
Like the water that helps undermine.
In the silence, the answer is clear:
Live with peace, and the Dao will draw near.