Category Archives: Rants

Stably crazy

Poems, Rants

I listen to the whispers from the rocks. “Don’t step on me. Step on the soil; it is silent.” The soil cannot speak but would it complain if it could?

The grass here grows long. Thick and dense. Stems snap and screams; more screams fill my head.

Should your voice be different? Of course, but it isn’t, at least, not always. You say “hi”. I can’t hear myself think which is just as well. I’m scared of what I might be saying.

The cars go past my window far too fast. “Honk honk honk” someone toots. I cannot see out but it has been raining. I can hear the tyres slice up the water with a harsh crescendo that diminishes into the distance.

Leaves are falling. That’s nice.

I am writing nonsense again. Good. What to say? What to do?

Why I am breathing so loud? I sleep still. All but for the bellows squeezing back and forth. Until I turn and turn and turn.

Autumnal Peacetime

Poems, Rants

The air is cool. No wind to speak of. Feeling my heart beating away in my chest.

Bright blue skies and fluffy white clouds. Every tree, every leaf, perfectly still.

My mind is buzzing with everything I’ve ever learnt. Not all at once but it’s all in there somewhere.

My cat is mellow today. Affection is going a long way. Thinking about last week’s confusion seems a long way off.

My flat is a mess but the speakers are singing to me and I have a cup of tea in my hand.

Looking in the mirror

Rants

(This is a very negative rant. Feel free to skip this. It’s triggering and best avoided unless you are doing some psychological investigation into self hatred or something. For the record I don’t feel like this very often and was written with misdirected anger which produced a false reflection of my state of mind even for that moment. This rant is my worst possible way to see my reflection. My worst thoughts aired.)

Fuuuuuck! Just melt away like I know you will. Droop low enough to touch the floor. Or fatten up to fill the cracks. Time will age you before you hear a tick because you are a stupid fucking idiot prick.

Don’t worry, nothing will wipe away that vapid stare. Your face aloof because no one’s there, the lights aren’t on because no one’s home, you’re slow and dumb, why do you think you’re forever alone?

You’ve never succeeded, you’ve never won, you lose on purpose because your life’s a pun.

You’re starting to love yourself. You fool. No one loves you. Why would they? You fool. Obviously they must be idiots too.

So why do you hate yourself after so much progress? You don’t achieve anything; you just have process. All you do is try to cope, everybody thinks you are a dope.

You’re not so bad, you try your best, yes you’re getting good at lying, next!
You’ve still got brains, you’re pretty smart, then why don’t you use them you boring fart.

Go to sleep. You look tired. You have never been someone I have admired.
Wake up soon. Don’t look at me. Forget everything about yourself in your dreams you’re free.

Diary

Rants

An enormous furnace of radioactive burning gas just pitched up on the horizon and blasted my bedroom full of luminous energy. Fuming! It’s almost everyday at this point…

I’m a dummy

Poems, Rants

I’m not sure you will like me once you have met me.
You will see I am a featureless dummy holding up a mirror to the world.
I hope you realise you are not so bad after all when you look at me.
You might forgive me for having little substance of my own.

Brain stem clip (loop)

Rants

I find myself on the floor again. I kick myself one more time.
Brittle and unkind. No intent towards others just to my own expectations and desires.
I need to want the things I already have.

I’ve got to draw a line between things out of my control and my own thoughts and actions.

I’ve got part of my brain exposed to the world. It’s a strand. A cord. Red raw. Sensitive doesn’t go far enough.
There’s a clip on it. I’m feeling the pressure, hearing external noise amplified.
I need to make distinction between incoming sounds and outgoing frequencies.
Without this filter there is just unsynchronised resonant discord.

Detach the clasp. Ease the pain. It’s not my fault. I can handle this now.

Untitled #0039481.857142

Poems, Rants

Time makes the highs low and the lows high.

The esteemed are just the flavour of the month. Change occupies all.

Ambition at an all time low but I feel bliss sat next to a cat.

Adapt to the situation don’t try to change it to fit you.

Water dips and flows into every crevice of the rocky sea shore but is slowly shaping the hard, strong cliff wall.

If you are like that, you are life sustaining, the lowest of low, making all those around you feel high.

Feed your friends and treat them well and they will return the favour. A painted glass teardrop can mean a thousand things. It can be treasure. It can be crap. The value is not in the pieces you hold; it is inside of you.

A tic is an sudden, repetitive, voluntary response to an unwanted urge. It is our way of measuring time.

My best friend

Poems, Rants

What is this chaos?
I didn’t choose to be born.
What is happening?
I see patterns that are destined to go awry.

My brain is not clear and calm.
Driven by a predetermined tick.
Pushing through the things I do and am going to do.
An addiction is holding on: Don’t stop me yet.

These stories start with a moment of intense change.
Curves flatten out and plateau.
You can be the catalyst for me to refresh.
A starting point in every moment lived.

To feel loved is to forgive yourself.
The guilt the blame the shame.
Start again and learn.
A wobbling cycle where the circles slowly get more unstable.

What is this chaos?
A dream. Nothing more.
What is happening?
Something worth experiencing.

A pleasant rant

Rants

I want to share my feelings with someone. My cat isn’t the most receptive… He was lovely this morning though. Laying next to him at night is nicer than laying next to no one. He follows me around and looks after me. He’s a good boy. Sorry this has already gone off at a tangent.

I miss holding someone. Just feeling another person’s warmth. If you were here I’d hug you as much as I could.

Life here is not idyllic. It’s grim… but the noise of burglar alarms and police cars, smashing glass and drunken kids is sporadic against the constant chirping chatter of the sparrows and the starlings. The regular sound of the passing buses is synced with my internal clock. The sound of the gears shifting down, the rumble of the engine, the hissing brakes and doors opening is like a regular tick of a clock in my head.

Not far away are rugged hills home to lizards, bees, butterflies, herds of deer and endless moorland. Once hallowed ground built upon by bronze age people, it has evolved through attempts at farming, transport, water management but now rests as wild land.

I’d love to take you on a walk around here. To have you see what I see. Smell what I smell. Feel what I feel. I hope to one day soon when we are both well and happy.

Religious Clout

Poems, Rants

Bend the Angel’s will. Corrupt her pure heart. Steal her divinity for your creation. Oh my dear old thing; unholy perfection is at your fingertips.

Protect your processes. Nurture your weakness. Curb your strength. For once life is not absolute truth; subtlety is awakening.

God is infinite. Your lifetime is not. Nor are all words ever written. Unlearn everything you know; virtue shall lead you further than knowledge.

Everything came from nothing. The nameless empty. The unperishing void. Not bleak nor sad; for nothing is in everything.

Create something beautiful. Crude but complex. Naive but fully layered. Give your all; save the world. Go forth.

No one

Poems, Rants

Unapologetically eccentric.
Regretfully chaotic.
Tries to see good in the negative.
Whilst experiencing difficulty in the positive.

Music, painting, drawing, writing, reading.
Sport, running, walking, playing, taking part.

Often anxious. Rarely judgemental.
Sometimes happy. Sometimes sad.
Tries my best. Likes a rest.

This is me. Down to a T.
Sitting down. Drinking tea.

Breath

Poems, Rants

Grief is the bite of the wind on your cheek. Life is the brace of air against your face and your hair standing on end.

Intertwined like two strands, they stood at the bus stop hand in hand. A familiar memory stood next to you is still there years after you saw them last. Look after your mind. Reign in fear and hate because you might be alone at the bus stop one day.

The breath goes in and out. Your breath becomes someone else’s whether you are on your own or not. Keep breathing, that’s what living is.

Bus

Rants, Stories

Sorry yes. That’s ok. I just walked in a tree because I was looking away. Sorry. Errrr. Where was I? Oh yes I’ve got to walk around the tree. Errr yes. Ok. Oh no sorry I got a text, one moment. Oh sorry tree again, I was looking at my phone. Oh the bus is here. Oh sorry driver I don’t have change will a note be ok. Oh wait.. errr. A £20 is my lowest. Sorry. Oh blimey it’s a busy bus isn’t it. I’ll have to stand up. Maybe I should just squeeeeeeeze past some of these people. Sorry. Oh I’m not getting off for a while and these people might be getting off sooner. I’ll squeeeze past another oh sorry. Errr ever so sorry are you getting off now? Sorry I’ll move out of the way so you can get out. Ah. At least there’s a free chair to sit on. Oh sorry my knee just touched your knee I’ll try and close my legs so I take up less room and sit on the outside of the seat. Sorry. Oh sorry you want to get past. I’ll swing my legs back around. Oh sorry you’re getting up, is it your stop? I better let you out. Ah at least I’ve got a window seat. Oh you’re sitting down next to me sorry I’ll tuck my legs in. Sorry, your bag is touching my legs. Ah it is my stop, can you press the bell for me please? Sorry. Ah excuse me you’re still standing, can I squeeeze past? Uh. Sorry. Right. Sorry driver, I mean thank you. Sorry.

Note to someone else (and to self)

Rants

Try to remember even the cleverest people are just advanced apes trying to conform to an ideal that is in their head.

The mind is a big place to get lost. The world is bigger. Space is unmeasurably bigger. The unknowns beyond are infinitely bigger.

You can paint tomorrow, today.

Looking for the lost sock…

Rants

Sometimes our emotions are like when we look everyday for that sock we lost 15 years ago.

Stop looking. Something else is in front of our eyes now. Do that instead, even if it’s new or scary…

At least learning will come from trying new things.

We will grow, improve, and get better.

Questionable CBT

Rants

Situation:

“I was feeling bad because Mr B reacted unexpectedly.”

Thought: ‘I must have annoyed him.’

Feeling: ‘I feel like a bad person for annoying people.’

Behaviour: ‘Not going to social occasion at the pub.’

Physical symptoms: ‘Feeling anxious’.

Alternative:

Balanced thought: ‘Mr B might have issue of his own, maybe he’s got a lot on his mind, or something stressful happened recently to him. I may have annoyed him, but it’s more likely that was not the sole cause. That could be why he reacted like he did.’

Balanced feeling: ‘I feel empathy for Mr B and will check he’s ok tomorrow.’

Behaviour: ‘Go to social occasion at the pub and have a good time.’

Physical symptoms: ‘Drunk.’

How I improved my health.

Rants
  • Eat more fibre. (Check nutritional information on packets or go for wholegrains/fruit/veg.)
  • Eat less sugar. (Reduce refined sugars – try to limit yourself to less than 20g refined sugars a day. Feel free to eat what fructose and lactose you want.)
  • Eat more protein. (I am vegetarian and wasn’t getting enough. Might not be the case for carnivores.)
  • Don’t starve yourself of fat/non-sugar carbs.
  • Fast for at least 12 hours everyday. (Eg. Between 8pm and 8am.)
  • Make breakfast your biggest meal of the day. (Provides energy when you need it the most.)
  • Eat more resistant starch. (Wholemeal bread instead of white bread, wholemeal pasta instead of white pasta, brown rice instead of white rice, etc.)
  • Drink more water/sugar free drinks.
  • Exercise. (CouchTo5k, walking, swimming, cycling, anything that isn’t sitting down all day.)
  • One (or more) day a week not thinking about any of the advice above.

Disclaimer: this guide isn’t gospel, it is 100% anecdotal, but it has worked for me.

Schizoaffective Disorder

Rants

Imagine not really knowing if you are dreaming or if you are wide awake. You are either feeling super elated or depressed or both at the same time. You can’t talk clearly or communicate how your feeling and you don’t know where you are or what’s going on.

Beans or tomatoes

Rants

I must hide. My imagination becomes real when I get ill. For shame, I sometimes choose a miserable existence. In theory things must get better from this sad old place. In action, the theory fails magnificently when I get more and more comfortable with my delusions. I feel bad.

Someone

Poems, Rants

I saw a photo of someone and I want to smoke a cigarette with her,

just her, just because…

Well because… She looked lonely as me, she was a pea in a bowl trapped under cling film, I was a glimpse – an image, a moment in time, seemingly screaming alone in an unspent void!

I don’t even smoke anymore.

Take a seat, I’ll be your chair for this evening.
Tired, it won’t be long before you’re leaving.
Take some heat, I’m highly strung tonight.
Giving off warmth, you might, just might, just might pluck my branches until tomorrow afternoon. So let’s fight!

****

Tomorrow afternoon, we can play and have a sight of the sea, draw the rocks on the beach, weigh up options, how much balance does it take to say thanks for being a snapshot.

Lass, you move differently to how I guessed, but you leave me shaking, dissecting truth from my words, you are everything I need. Of course you might never know if the mirrors aren’t set up well. If the angles are wrong and the camera isn’t set.

Mud

Rants

Everything I do just muddies the pond (what pond?). The pond I worked so hard on and that took so long to create!

The candles don’t burn any more and everyday I wait to be bound (to what?). Bound to some unknown solemn fate.

I don’t know where these sentences are from or what they mean but I suffer. Rise above the noise. Madness. Listen.

Emotional Pain

Rants

Felt like I was getting stabbed by invisible daggers through the heart whilst gently having my throat slashed last night. If anyone says to me ever that emotions are all in the mind I will proceed to call them a fool.

Three Certain Things

Rants

Three things are certain in life:

1. uncertainty
2. death
3. change

Could sound depressing that but turn it around….

1. I’ve always loved surprises, big or small.
2. Everyone dies one day and no one knows what happens next. Thinking about death is like pressing fast forward on your favourite music.
3. Sure, life can be shit, but change is the biggest thing in the universe! Change has always been there, and will go on for ever. Did a god or spirit create the universe? Maybe but before that there was change. Change will always be around. May as well embrace it!

I don’t know. If, but, and… do.

What’s going on? I don’t know. Why? I don’t know.

If change is infinite yet we experience stuff. Then perhaps stuff that we’ve experienced can be experienced again. Maybe from a different perspective. Uncertainty is a doorway to infinite possibilities. What’s going on? I don’t know. Why? I don’t know.

But I like to think that infinity is about experience but also something beyond that. I currently experience things with this body and mind, in mostly similar places (all physical things). If you remember the possibility of infinite possibilities, it is maybe possible that once this physical experience is over, (Perhaps our visible universe dies and restarts a few times or something) maybe they’ll be something different to experience, something less painful, or something more painful. It’s all speculation. I honestly have no answers. Who knows?

I’m probably complicating things.

The idea is simple. Change is about cause and effect, a process, present as the laws of physics are now. But even change itself is subject to change. Whose to say when we’re all dead the laws of physics won’t eventually change? They’ve changed since the very early universe according to the large hadron collider (or so I am led to believe).

Whatever you think. Accept you thought it. Accept that eventually, it might be of no consequence. Things change. Things are destroyed and created all the time. Why? Can any living thing really know? Even the smartest brains are only a limited size after all.

Speaking for myself. It’s important to respect other’s right to think and believe what they want and like. I’m very cautious and careful about so many things. Just, in life I seem to have too much ‘faith’ in what could possibly be. I don’t fear death, nor do I understand it. However, I do want to enjoy life in the present at the same time, and a lot of my caution is preprogrammed (genetics/upbringing/instinct). I’m not a risk taker. That could change though.

“What”

Rants
Ok but tomorrow I’m reading how to melt cocao butter.

They all look the sane she said about your drawings.

It’s act one, still, in a play of actors and animals. At night and backwards, a colour-blind unripe banana looks towards you as you seem to be jumping on a deer, my dear. It’s a protest, acting your rage in front of two loud helicopters. Average salary is three sticks of celery and a hairy smokescreen. The windows are closed and the curtains shut, there’s a what? And it doesn’t look all that. Good Kazoo Solo and his wife look at tired imitation. Depressed on my chest is a chest of jewels and brass thinklets melting into a drip of squirrels. Building a fence is Kazoo and he’s using hockey sticks on a hockey stick ocean. Blurting and blubbering noises come from a helicopter and you are winched up inside a giant orange. The magic bus stop potion is ready as you fly off over the ocean. The rhymes stop, and the lizard flies its flirty eyes at your misdemeanour. It has reached the end and daylight breaks the glass hockey stick ocean and Kazoo is tired.

Kjartan and Neko’s Unicorn Sanctuary Back Up

Poems, Rants, Songs

Thursday, December 04, 2003

im glad im less dramatized now, whoever they were have left my dreaming preherps their hibernation came or soemthing

what a vain sentence i could realise what im like in her eyes oh no is that a depressing thought

lets wait until it falls away…… oh yes it is

i’ve got to make it to her

play around with some ideas for sure

i could run away but that would be a different day

my minds on focus one point at a time i like it that way i say for today

// posted by me @ 5:57 pm

this blogs looking far too sane hooray in normality alright!

hooray for today!!

here are some songs that i’ve enjoyed recently

(again)

super furry animals – furryvision
the gentle waves – evensong
grandaddy – am 180
jeff buckley – hallelujah
belle & sebastian – is it wicked not to care
gorkys zygotic mynci – mow the lawn

even my own poetry is becoming sensible-if a bit selfish still

// posted by me @ 5:50 pm

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Today i enjoyed feeding bread to the birds.

The pepper song – inspired by peppers and onions and under milk wood by dylan thomas

pepper pepper pepper
pepper pepper peppep
this is the pepper song
pepper pepper pepper

my year 7 report said i was going to be great 
year 8 participate moer
year 9 standerd good
year 10 dissapointing not trying
year 11 skips class does no work
year 12 dropped out

#don’t steal our sun your just killing fun#

// posted by me @ 5:13 pm

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

tea cup
oldest infantcy
17
broken
windswept
sweepwind
just me
always
never
mind
one
or two
as if
no way

// posted by me @ 6:38 pm

Thursday, October 23, 2003

voltage ^

#_^

ouch 

no waiting, excellent!?!!

// posted by me @ 6:15 pm

Friday, October 17, 2003

Theres a constant wonder,
is it really not that much at all,
or is it heavier than gold,
now it’s no problem for you,
and your thankful for your cup of tea,
oh, you hope this can be true,
we better shout together thanks forever,
if the frequency is not out of hearing range,
and you bet they’ll be plenty of change,
some people try to control,
but could you fold a paper boat?
yeah theres doubt in my mind
doubt in my mind
almost nothing else at all for you to find,
i said, i dont want to kill you
and when i hear people cheering the other side
i think what have i done, 
to live so long and not realised,
that i was wrong

// posted by me @ 11:45 am

Thursday, October 16, 2003

pillow/lyric accompany thing:

Were the enigmatic panda team.
When theres trust they’ll be treats. 
I had a dream where I couldn’t talk I couldn’t sing my song. 
In the tree by the brook there’s a songbrid who sings. 
Aint no drag, papa’s got a brand new bag. 
And sunny days in January.
You put my shine to shame.
It’s simple, hunt and gather rules still apply, but we never turn to greed and deaths a catalyst to life, can you hear me?

not the greatest choice but im lazy and catatonic

// posted by me @ 4:03 pm

just remembered what i meant to post… favourite cheese holy cheese

// posted by me @ 3:25 pm

Gimme birthday blues and unformented whine, climb the tree luck it’s made out of pine.

So wow! wow! wow! On the gramaphone. Jus’ give me a ring when you need a cone.

I shout: There’s no breakfast- when you aint got food, you sing a long while- fix mistakes afterward, but when theres food- sit up more straight, unluck around you see- learn not to hate. Yeahyeah!

So wow! wow! wow! On the spinning thing. Jus’ give me a ring when you need a cone.

// posted by me @ 3:15 pm

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

see it, no evil and no good no thing and no would no this and no that no smiling and no’s flat, you know where no is, forget it?

“it was the most miserable night that ive ever seen, and the rain came down like something obscene, and we cried in our pints for no reason at all, accept our lives were shite and we wanted so much more” did we? i don’t know! smile! read on and smile!!

smile to yourself some more, even if those who don’t like smiling how about i say adoor, please smile to yourself, if your love is hard to give loosen up and you will live, smile to yourself, if you love to smile there love and love is good like mugs mine half empty/half full right now, theres a smile somewhere on the radio, sense a smile, touch a smile, smell a smile, hear a smile, see a sense a smile:)

product of one small missed dose of olanzapine medication for schizophrenia and related illness’:

watching my body eat energy more and more
growing older each cell’s dance- tells me to stand back
still I’m feeling younger and i don’t feel no shame
now i know you know understanding is my game- did i just let it on?

sifting through traffic on my home made radio
touch a metaphor i found so low- tell me you understand
i can’t let on or show to break the perfect spell
possibilities in space amuse for days so long

look at that boy being niave just for me
his winning smile i’ll grit my teeth
first thing in your line of sight this care is so far away
just as long as you can play -we’ll wash the blues away

forgotten prozac hidden pain i did it once i’d do it again now
for loves sake i threat myself- give up all there is again
there is too much, im on no quest for perfect health
just a bridge and something else- something from you now

is this conformation from a mirror or are you reading me
i’ll wash your car and brush your teeth
ever know now no one will, and all the trouble ive gone to
in envy’s green light i awoke a pain so bright it almost spoke for me

so we’ve just made something knew our obsessions in full view
always dark and always new somethings lifted right away 
everything else dropped in my way right now
im glad that water tastes like meths on funny days

music sung sweetly out of tune listen in and hear the moon
i’d sing thunder over joy and a lake that may annoy
and i’d cry and thousand times if you would but once tell me the time
when theres nothing else you want and the singings got to stop because there’s happyness…

// posted by me @ 3:25 am

i love autumn

// posted by me @ 2:38 am

Sunday, October 12, 2003

seen six straight lines in pixies strokes some hiphop too, i better buy a visor visit library and read some wisdom quick, i want to help other inbetween my screams for help 

// posted by me @ 6:43 pm

i used to think ahhh but mad people don’t know they’re mad until i forgot. are you wise? so i said to the guys look i don’t want to die and i truely care if your toothaches that bad dude just dont worry man i’ll get some ibroprofen for you, one guy no no i’ll go but you come for a j in the car, i sighed and said no can do but i’ll make you some tea

// posted by me @ 6:30 pm

oh, Sometimes, my name is John and I like chocolate + animals, we’re all in a farm though i’ve been told it’s a zoo and rachel j makes me feel a-ok 🙂

// posted by me @ 5:47 pm

Monday, October 06, 2003

Yay, went out last night! me scRReams quiet again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t want to worry, why do they make out it’s cool to worry?

Hey, it wasn’t personal. More allegorical etc.

Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrre on holiday!

Breakfast: bowl of skittles additives help me to be more unable to walk in a straight line
Mug: Galaxy Chocolate

Still after that against all odds.

// posted by me @ 2:13 pm

Im so pathetic lame and all round abysmal. (good for you smiled my friend)

// posted by me @ 2:05 pm

Unrefined this is for me and me only so stop reading and go back to sleep. Ideas from a creative explosion, everyone knows it’s not difficult. I’m not weird nor am I pretending to be weird. Ignorance, praise and judgements I don’t want but put up with but only because I want to share ok. Having said that It’s not mine to share go look.

// posted by me @ 1:58 pm

Their fairytales make me jealous when there is music being played. Music stops. Yeahyeah music go music stop. That chairs gone I long to do a lot (of nothing).

Happy weekend, one bind, one strengthen, one safe. Apriciated condolences. 🙂

Music today:
Foo Fighters – generator (best thing on their best album imho)
Capt Beefheart – Autumn’s Child
Yeah yeah yeah’s – mystery girl
Simian – La breeze
Shonen Knife – I am a cat
Super Furry Animals – Demons
Thomas Newman – Whisper of a thrill
Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci – the girl i’ve always known
Nirvana – Love buzz

Flashback dreams hell no college today. Pure extacy sleep in a whole new formless form, take my ego smash it on the floor hide it far away. 

// posted by me @ 1:51 pm

Thursday, October 02, 2003

When theres trust they’ll be treats.. So why? Oh Why? Why?

I wanna be forgotten!!

// posted by me @ 2:12 pm

Saturday, September 27, 2003

Alright dudes, the safest way of talking to yourself. Very Ape. I’m to busy trying not to look niave I’m very ape and I’m very nice. Although I don’t feel it. Stuck on a mountain. I want care. Ship wrecked on 2020 street, yeah it’s quite good fun but I’m just an ickle boy.

😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

// posted by me @ 8:40 pm

Gollum quarter manifest opposite coin dearest elf, I fear you find those thoughts incriminating. I’m pretty sure you are made of toast.

// posted by me @ 8:25 pm

That aside the genuine worries are, be careful, your ego may start slapped your face, ego isnt body and body isnt ego they want different things. Yeah it’s great when they want the same things but don’t pretend. I’m writing this and also reading this. I’ll be crying some long days in during these floods. I could just boat out and leave. I don’t think so. Shock-A-Shock or no Shock-A-Shock. Simple thoughts don’t equal simple minds :'(

// posted by me @ 8:22 pm

Mok-a-mok-mok

Mmm-mmm feelin good!

You should really tell them to at least a straight face who do you think I am? Duff Man?

Honestly, making it a bit more fun is good, but at least make it realistic. I’ve just got a another thing on my mind now 😛

SHOCK-A-SHOCK-SHOCK!!

not this but still… we are the mtv generation, we feel neither highs or lows 

It’ll all work out well I garrentee it, and you do to hehehe

// posted by me @ 8:18 pm

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Stolen lives and time.. Past the little line. What I want, I do not want. Full of corporate noise.. no rest bite, lack of quality. I want no more me. This and that, divided again. I’ve lost my pen, write, found my honesty. Lost in gravity. Seen and sunk, and smelt like a skunk. Thrown aside my true dislike. Opened up so far that I’m closing again. LA LA LA LA, LALA LA LA. I’ll get back there’s forty two police behind me.

// posted by me @ 9:18 pm

Thursday, September 04, 2003

stress make me take risks write crappy emails I really really really hope i havent fucked up again.

10 minutes out’ve
college, i had gone to spar and bought a bottle of water (
the girl buying matches had really soft looking hair ) and
was long gone out’ve spar and felt (metaphorically) as i
was resting on the peak of a mountain, this mountain could
change shape but right now it was really hot red and firey
and pointed ( i presume it was repressed anger that
inspired me to wirte something down ) for while in this
state i noticed something very special about water, it
tasted of meths in the present moment not then but now the
only place we have power to do anything total nowness, it
tasted metal just today it tasted of meths, my frist day of
college and the water tasted meths, i awoke my mind of
knowledge, i went to sleep to find it wasnt worthwhile,
don’t lose the creative brain was the only knowledge of
use, cos the one who liberated the boy i never rated had
great knowledge he didnt show it he always got his way, his
way was to let things take their course, to keep the
awareness and smile

// posted by me @ 4:26 pm

Saturday, August 30, 2003

Really doesn’t do it justise, 
I only an innocent mask of timeless everlasting mystery, 
Belonging elsewhere but I’m here.

// posted by me @ 12:17 am

Friday, August 29, 2003

Sprinkle the happiness far and wide!
She asked me too early when I was small and blind,
The end the old and the birth of the new,
That was the connection, 
I was a kitten,
Now I’m just smitten,
To regain the old emotions I asked around,
The answers I got were from a small cloud,
He said be nice and call the animals don’t run away,
And she will be back before you can say,
Remember to communicate!!
So she came back changed and attacked,
Nurse Nightingale tell me what I need,
You need no wants but her she said,
Now I’ve got ill patients in bed,
To cure the patients I helped her!
Not for long I abandoned ship,
Cast low like the happiness around her hip,
No time like the present,
Sentimentality pause,
I wondered if she fuelled my remorse,
No I’m not dead just close doors open the way,
Since then I looked east with pain,
Called back the animals and spelt unpopular words,
To bring back the things I need,
Please don’t worry.

// posted by me @ 11:52 pm

She’s buried her way to the source [I’m saying ‘hello’ more than ever *introverted mystery smile*] of all my emotions, but she loves triangles more than me!! (HAHAHAA – grass cuts all over but for minus 22 it’s no problem). I can’t wait til she listens she will glow through the clouds and warm the whole place up, blushing asking her what she wants but I’ve seen it happen she says this what she needs, has the kelevala met its match tehehehehehe. Many more rejections to make, tough to keep it up when there’s this demand but like a phone, its a simlar thing. So many ways to communicate!! I saw her vision of snow-like looks in the afternoon I could help her bleed much beauty but the dream box has made a wound {bit like tolkein 🙂 } that will not heal. Mars is closest but there isn’t as much Venus no more. I should’ve listened to jonathan (no richman) the Mercury man. So she’s a lion and her friend’s shocked that I can guess, it would be too much for her to know so I added a bomb #Oh, if only, I knew the language# HA!. So unfinished! Lucifer’s grip is where im walking on the other side of things, one can only hope as six strings go up, a large thump won’t hurt so much. On the Rhino (you know I change) front I saw the tempting Ice Cream van today, but my Cat; ‘mrs polly doyle’ knew that the hu way costs much more than money. Seriously pissed of at this new fella Gary, comes into the sanctury likes he’s all this he think benig a stream winner will let him walk down any hills he likes, he’s in for a surprise, nobody treats Kjartan and Neko like that.. Besides I’ll open the earth in good time there hasn’t been any kind’ve sign of unbroken in the masses to them its still summertime! I suppose yellow calander girl will know HONESTLY DON’T LOOK BACK INTO THE SUN. More acceptance of igorant two-faced, superficialities I’d break if they weren’t my friends. I mean the ego can be used if neccesary but to abuse in ways that she does brings limited scope especially with the infulence of confucism, it is a grim reflection and D has seen it. Supports what I need right now, from other sources to the primary she’s in sorry shockscape ground in the morning. It reminds me of (D)onkey’s precision fooling: He will be singing the humming song if he doesnt start soon, scared of swimming^so I am. There hasn’t been any news from spirit destroyer luckily I silenced him good. That was hypnotic, but recently.. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! **raised eyebrows** I’m really happy with the results from my lastest robot, I just hope he doesn’t clone one of the founders. Nah, he won’t.. cos… He can’t… Can he? (Good Luck, this is small tease you can leave on the boat to the moon if your trust needs refreshing:- BUY BUY SELL SELL. There you feel better and it is &real&-ly no problem! Understand. Honesty is dwelling in the heart right now and although it’s not the time for floortiles love will reverse this. It’s a bit like the turning tide. 🙂

// posted by me @ 3:39 pm

Friday, July 25, 2003

Today I realised that I have been brought up by two robots [circuit breakdown yeah!] and a pack of super furry animals. Which is a good thing mostly… faulty equipment! Am I a forsbein or what, (haha!). Techno Joy Division lands a loud ‘huh?’ but Bis it’s all in my head. 

// posted by me @ 10:28 pm

Saturday, June 28, 2003

Hibernation comes earlier and ealier but I never thought it would be a few days after the summer solstise. Can’t wait for the tiger dotty autumn. I should know (hahaha) all the short form by then and hopefully started doing to some chi gong more often.

// posted by me @ 7:53 pm

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

I woke up this morning and thought I want a cup of tea. So I went downstairs to turn the kettle on and turned the kettle on. I must have waited for 10 minutes or so. The kettle was not boiling. Oh well look what I had done I had just gone and forgot to plug the kettle in.

// posted by me @ 9:53 pm