{"id":266,"date":"2019-06-04T10:25:32","date_gmt":"2019-06-04T10:25:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/johntownshend.com\/wordpress\/?p=266"},"modified":"2025-10-27T13:33:14","modified_gmt":"2025-10-27T13:33:14","slug":"old-sayings-and-songs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/old-sayings-and-songs\/","title":{"rendered":"Old sayings and songs"},"content":{"rendered":"

In days of old<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

In days of old, when men were bold,<\/p>\n

And paper wasn’t invented.<\/p>\n

They wiped their arses on bits of grasses,<\/p>\n

And went away contented.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

Scottish Thistle Saying<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

When on a thistle he sat doon<\/p>\n

He jumped up to the moon<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

The Birdcatchers Song<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

I am a fellow bright and gay<\/p>\n

A merry fellow night and day<\/p>\n

My name is held in great renown<\/p>\n

throughout the land, in every town.<\/p>\n

Where lark and linnet tunes their note<\/p>\n

my whistle joins the warblers note<\/p>\n

{ cant remember the next line }<\/p>\n

For I’m the jolly birdcatcher.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

The Trout<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

I stood beside a brooklet<\/p>\n

That sparkled on its way<\/p>\n

And saw beneath the wavelets<\/p>\n

A tiny trout at play<\/p>\n

As swiftly as an arrow it darted to and fro<\/p>\n

The gayest of the fishes among the reeds below<\/p>\n

An angler there was standing with his rod and line in hand<\/p>\n

Intent upon the fishes, that sportive fearless band<\/p>\n

‘Tis vain said my good neighbour to fish the brooklet clear<\/p>\n

The fish will surely see you upon the bank so near<\/p>\n

But skillful was the angler and artful too<\/p>\n

The crystal brooklets depths defiling – he hid the fish from view<\/p>\n

And then his skill renewing<\/p>\n

The fishes unheeding took the bait<\/p>\n

And I was left lamenting the tiny troutlets fate<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

The ballad of Lizzie Sloan<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

Across the loan<\/p>\n

Went Lizze Sloan<\/p>\n

A dueling set had she<\/p>\n

A rifle on her shoulder, a pistol on her knee.<\/p>\n

Now Lizzie’s eyesight wasn’t too good<\/p>\n

Her glasses they were dim<\/p>\n

And when she charged the bull<\/p>\n

It shit upon her chin.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

The Soldier’s Song<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

Arsehole, arsehole, a soldier I will be,
\nTo piss, to piss, two pistols at my knee,
\nFuck you, fuck you, for curiosity,
\nI’ll fight for the cunt, I’ll fight for the cunt, I’ll fight for the cunt-er-y.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

I’m a dick a dick addicted to you.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

3, 6, 9, the goose drank wine,<\/p>\n

The monkey chewed tobacco on the street car line,
\nThe line broke,
\nThe monkey got choked,
\nAnd they all went to heaven in a little rowing boat,
\nUh huh, uh huh<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

My Mammy told me,
\nIf I was goody,
\nThen she would buy me,
\nA rubber ducky<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

First the worst,
\nSecond the best,
\nThird the hairy princess,
\nFourth the golden eagle,
\nFifth stuck in treacle<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In days of old In days of old, when men were bold, And paper wasn’t invented. They wiped their arses on bits of grasses, And went away contented. * * * Scottish Thistle Saying When on a thistle he sat doon He jumped up to the moon * * * The Birdcatchers Song I am … Continue reading Old sayings and songs<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-songs","category-stories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=266"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/266\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2087,"href":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/266\/revisions\/2087"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jwt.quest\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}